“What do ye do? Cease!” Chastity screamed as Noah shot to his feet and ran out of the spare room. In the dining room, he saw that a chair had been knocked over, and rolling around beside it were Chastity and Berenice. Berenice had a kitchen knife and was trying to stab Chastity in the face, and Chastity was holding each of Berenice’s wrists, trying to fend off the attack.

Berenice screamed at Chastity, “Perish, thou elven hag!” She leaned her weight forward, trying to overpower Chastity’s slender arms. Angel ran into the room past Noah and started growling and barking at Berenice.

“Stop! What are you doing?” yelled Noah as he rushed forward. He grabbed Berenice from behind, wrapping his arms around her bodily wool and trying to pull her back. “Stop it!”

Despite being pulled away, Berenice still tried her hardest to attack Chastity. “Thou hast assailed mine husband and near slain him! Die!” She squirmed as Noah pulled her off balance from behind and away from Chastity. He grabbed her arms, too, so she couldn’t swing the knife. “My husband is gone by thy cruel hand! He doth live, yet far from me!”

“Berenice, stop! What’s gotten into you?”

“The widow has gone mad! I told ye, Noah, she be a beast!”

Noah had fully subdued Berenice at this point, and taken the knife from her hands. The knife was iron and poor quality, but its dull blade still could have killed Chastity. Berenice still struggled in vain against his grip, screaming at Chastity.

“Hold thy tongue, thou wench! Thou art not mine better! Thou tried to end the life of mine husband!”

“Berenice, please, she didn’t try to kill your husband, okay? She didn’t!” Noah yelled at her. She struggled for a few more seconds, and then the rage fell from her face.

“Verily? Yet in mine memory, she did strike mine husband in his face with her wicked arrow!”

“No, Berenice, she didn’t. Whatever you saw earlier between Chastity and your husband, it was just your imagination, okay? Your husband is okay. He’s unharmed. He’s far away, but he’s happy and safe. Okay?”

Berenice’s face changed again. Now she looked sad and embarrassed. She relaxed in Noah’s grip. “Mine eyes perceive the truth at last. I apologize, Chastity. Mine heart was deceived into thinking thou didst try to slay mine husband. Mine anger knew no bounds. Yet, I see now, thou didst not try to harm him. Yea, ‘twas naught but my imagination. Mine imagination doth paint too vivid a scene! I beg thy pardon, Chastity!’” Her eyes were wet with remorse.

Chastity shook her head. “It’s alright, Berenice. I’m sorry, too. I am sorry yer so upset.”

Noah let go of Berenice. After a pause, she said, “So, why hast thou entered the dining room? Is there something thou dost desire? I yearn to be of aid.”

“I was but coming to fetch some towels, and mayhaps some water. We need to bathe and cleanse our clothes.”

Berenice brought the two of them towels and buckets of water. Tired, she went back to her room to sleep. Chastity and Noah cleaned themselves outside by candlelight with the buckets of water. Noah was grateful to finally feel kind of clean again. His chest and neck had been sticky since the day before, and he had been covered in dirt. Chastity, too, had been covered in sweat and dirt and was happy to get clean. They cleaned their arms and legs in front of each other, but to clean their more intimate areas, they went around the corner of the house to clean themselves privately. As they sparingly used the water to wash themselves, Angel plodded around, licking at their wet limbs and drinking from the bucket. Noah scratched her head, and she groaned happily. Finally, they got clean, and then used water to spot-clean their clothing while they wore it.

“It feels good to be clean again, does not, Noah? It be no bath, but it be much better than before, nie?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling a lot better now.” He finished trying to clean a wet spot on his poncho, and then he felt at his bleeding feet, which stung when he washed them. “I’ll be glad to get those shoes Berenice said I could have, though it sucks we had to kill to get them.”

“Yea, I feel bad about that. Though a bit less bad now that she tried to slay me in kind. Thank ye for yer aid in getting her off me.”

Noah nodded, but didn’t respond. He had just closed his eyes again and realized that he had levelled up at some point.

[Level up! You have reached level 3! You have gained 4 stat points!]

If this world worked like a normal video game, then he probably would have gained experience for surviving fights. Was this world like a normal video game? Or did he get experience points for doing sexual things with Chastity or something?

He was excited and desired to share the news with Chastity, but he realized he couldn’t if he wanted to keep his class a secret from her. He opened his eyes and said nothing. She was smiling warmly at him.

“Ye look fair with yer hair wet, Noah.”

“Thanks.”

They finished cleaning their clothes the best they could with the limited water and then went back inside, careful not to wake Berenice. They lay down in bed together, keeping a respectable distance between them, and Chastity blew out the candle.

“Sleep well, Noah.”

“Good night.”

Once Chastity and Angel were both quiet, Noah turned his attention to his stats screen.

[Level up! You have reached level 3! You have gained 4 stat points!]

[Level 3]

[Stats:] [STR: 10 | DEX: 11 | BOD: 10 | INT: 12 | SOC 10 | LUK 10 | MAG 0 | DIV 1]

[4 stat points available] [+STR | +DEX | +BOD | +SOC | +LUK | +MAG | +DIV]

[0/0 Mana] [1/1 Favor]

[Class: Heretic] [1 class ability available] [Class abilities:] [Patron: You have a powerful bond with one of the outer gods. Your current patron is: The Heart] [Second Chance (passive) - You get a +4 passive bonus to LUK when luck would be the difference between you living and dying.]

[+Choose class ability]

Okay. Everyone else was asleep – or trying to fall asleep – so he had time to make strategic decisions about where to put his stat points and what class ability to choose. No need to rush into anything. First, he decided to look at the class abilities, since what ability he chose might determine whether or not he needed to take more Divinity.

[Category: Protection] [+ Dash [2 favor] - You dash forward very quickly, and can move through obstacles during the dash.] [+ Purify [1 favor] - You purify food and drink, removing any curse, disease, or poison within. You can purify enough food and drink for six people.]

He had four options, though two of them were faded, as he had already decided he didn’t want them. He still thought Heal Minor Wound was a bad choice, except that it might lead to better healing options later. But healing probably wouldn’t keep him alive. Better to avoid harm in the first place. Sleep Touch was also bad. It required him to touch his foe. What if his enemy had a bow? Or even a sword? He turned his attention to the two new abilities, that seemed more salient on the ability menu.

The two new abilities looked better. Dash would let him leap out of the way of danger. Purify, on the other hand, would let him avoid foodborne illness, as well as poison and curses. Curses? He had no idea how common cursed food was. He didn’t think anyone would be poisoning him any time soon. But foodborne illness might be a big issue. He could cook his food, though, right? And for avoiding diseases in water, he could boil it. Shit! Why was he not boiling his water already before he drank it? He decided he would from now on. If he took the right precautions, he shouldn’t need this ability.

So, Dash it is. [+ Dash]. He saw the ability get added to his abilities, and three new class abilities appeared in its place. The abilities he hadn’t chosen faded from his attention.

[Category: Protection] [+ Double Dash [1 favor] - You may Dash again for only 1 favor if you have Dashed within the last 5 seconds.] [+ Ether Walk [2 favor] - Your Dash is replaced with an Ether Walk lasts for up to 6 seconds, but does not give you any increased speed. You are invisible and invulnerable during the Walk.] [+ Ether Swap [2 favor] - You swap places with another creature. Both you and the other creature are invulnerable for 1 second after the swap.]

He eyed his future options and then returned to the main stats screen and looked at his abilities. He saw that Dash was now listed under his class abilities. Good. Dash should allow him to avoid danger. He was trying his best not to die. That was his number one goal. And if he could eventually help his friends not die, too, that would be great.

Now, for stat points. He would need more Favor. One extra point in Divinity would allow him to use Dash once per day. Three extra points, though, and he could use it twice per day. That might be worth it. Especially since then he could practice with one of his uses and still have a use left for emergencies. But he had other stats he wanted to increase, too. Intelligence was now capped at 13, he assumed, and he wanted to put a point there. Dexterity was good, too. But Dexterity wouldn’t give him as much maneuverability as an extra Dash, would it? There was also Luck. Hmm…

He finally decided to put one point in Intelligence, and three points into Divinity. The Dash sounded really good to him.

[+INT]. [+DIV] [+DIV] [+DIV].

[Level 3]

[Stats:] [STR: 10 | DEX: 11 | BOD: 10 | INT: 13 (soft cap reached) | SOC 10 | LUK 10 | MAG 0 | DIV 4]

[0/0 Mana] [4/4 Favor]

Great. He was excited to try out the Dash ability. He thought that if this game system was like the video games he’s played, then his Favor would replenish overnight, so he could use it twice right now to test it out. He got up quietly from the bed, careful not to wake Chastity or Angel, and snuck outside. It was dark, but he could just barely see by the light of the green gas giant in the sky above.

He looked up at the planet. Its complex clouds swirled around like those on Jupiter, but in colours ranging from emerald to lime green. It was an incredible sight. He had never seen anything like it back in his world. Not except for in pictures. He had barely ever seen any stars at all in real life. Just smog and light pollution. But this sky was totally different. It had detail and action. There were a million stars. Not too rarely, a shooting star would stream across the sky. He could see the Milky Way. He could see small planets, one of which was broken into pieces. And then there was the oppressive green planet at the center of it all. Was the Earth he was on in orbit around the green gas giant?

He shook his head and focused again on the task at hand. He had levelled Divinity three times so he could have two uses of the Dash ability, and he wanted to test it out.

Wait a minute. Why didn’t he test it out before investing so heavily into Divinity? He could easily have gotten the ability, tried it to see if it was good, and then invested his last two stat points based on the results of the trial. Also, why did he discount Luck so quickly? And Dexterity? He should definitely spread his points around more, so he can see which stats have the biggest impact, and then invest into those. At least he wasn’t choosing class options because they sounded cool anymore, but he was still being an idiot! He needed to think things through all the way before he acted!

He walked away from the house to a flat area and looked around to ensure there were no obstacles. Then, he tried to use his ability. “Dash!” He was immediately whisked forward at an incredible rate. He felt like he was moving quickly, but he also felt time slow down around him a bit as he Dashed, evidenced by how the dirt under his feet moved through the air more slowly as his feet kicked it up. After about ten feet of movement, the Dash ended, and he tried not to fall over from the momentum.

“Holy shit,” he said. He just dashed 10 feet in the blink of an eye. His feet were taking steps the entire way, but it felt like only a second, and probably took even less time than that, if he really was experiencing a time-warp effect.

He wanted to try it again, but first, he had to find an obstacle. He looked at a tree near the house and shook his head. No way he was running at a thousand miles an hour or whatever straight into a tree. The ability might say he would pass through it, but fuck that. No way.

He found one of the wish balloon plants, isolated from the rest. The green plant was about two feet tall and had broad leaves that pointed away from a central area, up from which came a balloon. The balloon itself hovered around four feet high. It was still small and a greenish colour. Not ripe yet, apparently. It was perfect for testing his Dash. He would feel it if he ran into it, but it wouldn’t injure him.

He stood about two feet from the plant and spoke the word “Dash.” His feet carried him forward of their own accord, and he shot across the dirt like a lightning bolt. He saw the balloon pass right through his chest and the plant leaves pass through his shins. He ended his Dash a few feet past the plant. He touched his chest where the balloon had passed through him. It was a weird feeling to have a solid object pass through his body. He smiled. His new ability was incredible. It was, like, real magic. He looked at the plant, smiling, before heading back inside.

He wondered what would happen if he stopped his Dash while still partly overlapping with, say, a tree. He didn’t want to find out.


Chastity woke up early the next day to bury the body of Berenice’s dead husband. It was a grim affair. The sight of the sheeple’s eternally surprised face made her a bit nauseous. But she did it, and by the time Noah woke up, the problem was resolved.

Berenice gave Noah some of Cassius’ old clothing. He got a nice, brown, waterproof cloak, which had a long back piece and a shorter front piece, to replace his torn poncho. He also got a sun hat. The shoes were dress shoes, and didn’t fit Noah anyway since Cassius had hooves rather than human feet. But Noah was able to at least wrap his feet in cloth to protect them.

Berenice gave them wish balloons for breakfast. First, Berenice allowed Chastity to say grace, which Noah politely listened to. Then Berenice and Chastity said “amen” and made a religious gesture, making a peace sign with their hands and then dragging their eyelids closed with the tips of the two fingers. Noah mimicked. That done, Chastity took two wish balloons, popping one for Angel while thinking of chunks of raw meat. Angel dug into the fare with gratitude. Chastity’s balloon revealed an elven meal, some kind of bread filled with cheese sauce and chunks of meat. Berenice had a muffin, but this time it was chocolate. Noah had a bowl of mac n’ cheese with hot dog weiners cut up inside.

Chastity leaned over to look into Noah’s bowl. “Our meals be similar, Noah. What kind of flesh be that?”

“Oh, they’re hot dogs,” Noah said as he ate, “They’re made of pork, which comes from pigs. I always like to chop up hot dogs and add them to my Kraft Dinner.”

“Pig? As in, a hog? The flesh looks so tender.”

Berenice glanced into Noah’s bowl, too, inspecting the unfamiliar dish. “It doth appear most delectable,” she said, also chewing on her own food.

“Yeah, it’s my favourite. What are you eating?” he asked Chastity.

“Ah, this was a childhood favourite of mine. The flesh cometh from a hoarbear, and the cheese be from a cow.”

“Hmm, maybe I should try it.” Noah had some of Chastity’s food, and she tried a bite of his. Both were pleased. Berenice also asked to try some of each, leaving the rest of her chocolate muffin for dessert.

Berenice said, “‘Tis most excellent! So, thou two wilt soon returneth to thy travels, correct? Whither art thou two bound?”

Chastity swallowed and then responded. “We’re bound to the Toldenhold. I’m a diplomat, and I’m traveling there to ask help from the Emperor on behalf of the elves.”

“Thou hast yet a considerable voyage to undertake. Perchance thou mayst be able to secure passage upon the Wandering River?”

“Aye, that’s our hope.”

“Where’s the Wandering River?” asked Noah.

“It be just beyond the Rainbow Mountains. It be a magical river, which floats through the sky, but it swings low near the base of the Mountains, and if any ferries are passing by, we mayhaps can pay for a ride.”

“The ferries are frequent in this season. Methinks thou shouldst not encounter too much trouble.”

“Not so long as the gemfolk give us no grief.”

“Aye.”

The three finished their meals, and Noah and Chastity tried some of Berenice’s chocolate muffin for dessert. Angel ate all her meat and then looked at Chastity with a sad face like she was still starving.

They sat silently for a while after eating, and then Berenice finally spoke. “Ere thou departest, there is a query I wish to pose unto the two of you.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” asked Noah.

“Well…” she hesitated. She looked away. “Is there any possibility I might accompany your travelling party? I am aware I am of little use. I possess no class, and no levels. Yet I cannot remain here. The farm is barren without Cassius, and I desire not to be a serf any longer. I am the equal of any humanborn, like thou said to me Noah, and I long to explore the world and my freedom.”

Noah opened his mouth to say yes, but then he looked to Chastity for confirmation. Chastity’s expression was serious, but she nodded yes. Then, he said, “Sure, you can come with us. You probably know the area better than we do, right? But what, are you just gonna leave the farm?”

Berenice’s eyes narrowed and she nodded. As she did, her large, white, woollen afro bounced. “Aye, such is mine intent. To Hell with the farm! I am not its lord, but merely a serf tethered to it as if chattel.”

Chastity smiled. “I admire yer spirit, Berenice. I knew not a shepfolk could be so stout-hearted.”

Berenice smiled slightly. “Aye, nor did I, but yesterday I was a slave, and now I am the master of mine own destiny. I will not labour in fetters for a single moment longer.”

“Awesome! Good for you, Berenice,” said Noah.

Berenice smiled more widely. “I thank thee, Noah. Verily, thou art so kind. I will accompany you to the Toldenhold and serve you – of my own volition – in any way I can. Thereafter, dost thou intend to return to the land of the elves?”

“Yea,” replied Chastity.

Berenice said, “I have heard elven cities are a spectacle to behold. Mayhaps I will accompany thee, if it be permissible. The last thing I would desire is to be a burden.”

They assured her they’d be happy to have her company, and she smiled and started packing. She threw most of her valuables – of which there were few – into Chastity’s backpack. They each also grabbed a handful of red wish balloons. When they left the farm, they looked like they were heading to a birthday party.

There was a beaten dirt path heading in the direction of the Rainbow Mountains, which they headed out on. Noah was grateful to be walking on dirt rather than through tall grass. His makeshift footwraps seemed to hold well. The Rainbow Mountains were still far, and he was sure they wouldn’t make it that far by nightfall.

Noah considered the journey ahead of him. He was happy to be in the company of nice people. It made the loneliness he felt from missing home much less severe. He was going to travel with them until the Toldenhold, and then maybe to the elven homeland, and then what? He would have to make up his mind about that later. But he wanted to be with Chastity. Would he really consider marrying her? Maybe not right away. But maybe, if elves expected marriages to happen right away, then perhaps he should just do it. If it didn’t work out, he could probably just run away. Though that would be awful to have to do. Anyway, that was a long way out, and he didn’t need to worry about it right now.

He wondered what the deal was with the Rainbow Mountains. He asked aloud, “Guys, what’s up with the Rainbow Mountains. You said something about gemfolk?”

“Yea, the gemfolk are born of the Rainbow Mountains. They are natural-born mages, and at times hard to deal with. They should allow passage through the mountains, though, so long as we pay their toll.”

“I see,” said Noah.

Angel suddenly began to bark and ran up ahead.

“Angel!” shouted Chastity. Noah became alert and drew his sword with his free hand. But Angel turned and came running back with something red in her mouth. It looked like a ball. It seemed to be a densely-packed ball of red plant matter, akin to a tumbleweed. Noah put his sword away. Berenice giggled.

Angel ran up to Chastity, tail wagging, clearly wanting to play with the ball. “Oh, ye rotten little beast!”

Berenice said, “Thy hound is so cute! Her name is Angel, is’t not? Hither, Angel! Hither, thou tiny cur!” Angel turned her head quickly, looking at Berenice. Thrilled that someone wanted to play with her, she galloped over to Berenice, who tried to take the plant ball from her. Angel didn’t let go right away, and growled as Berenice tried to take the ball.

“Hither, thou greedy mutt! Surrender it!” Berenice said, laughing, as she tried to take the ball. She finally managed to wrench it free and gave it a good toss. Angel took off faster than most dogs Noah had seen before. Noah and Chastity kept walking at a normal pace, watching as Berenice played fetch with Angel. Soon, Angel had Berenice running around, trying to retrieve the ball and throw it again. This left the two of them alone to talk as they walked.

“They both be cute, nie?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Noah laughed. “I used to have a dog once. He was so cute. His name was Mud. We got him when my brother was born, but he died when I was in high school.”

“That be such a sweet name! I knew not ye had a brother. He’s younger than ye, I deem? What be he like?”

Noah sighed. “He used to be a pain in the ass growing up, but now we get along better. He was always taking stuff from my room without asking, and being annoying, and stuff like that. But now, he’s got a job, and he’s happily married and everything. He’s gay.”

“Wondrous! I be joyous for him. It be hard for a man to find a good wife, so well done to him.”

“Uhh,” replied Noah, “A husband, actually.”

“What?” asked Chastity, turning her head to look at Noah.

“He has a husband, not a wife. He’s gay?”

Chastity looked surprised and confused. “He has… a husband? And yer at peace with this?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” asked Noah.

“I know not. It’s just that, a man who marries another man is seen as wayward, is he not? In truth, among elves it is forbidden for a man to act as if he be a woman. Men should be men, nie?”

“Uhh,” asked Noah, trying to be mindful of her medieval upbringing, “he is a man. He’s just romantically attracted to other men. He still acts like a man and stuff. And even if he didn’t, so what? He’s not hurting anyone, right?”

Chastity sighed loudly. “I know not. I guess ye be right that he does no harm unto others. Yet, still, I deem men who act like women to be peculiar. What kind of man desires another man to do things unto him that should only be done to a woman? And such deviant folk often partake in forbidden forms of love involving parts of the body that be unclean, nie?” She scrunched her face in disgust.

“Who cares?” said Noah loudly. “What they do in the bedroom is between the two of them! It’s none of our business! Right?”

“I know not, Noah. I know yer world is much unlike mine, and I’ll not sit in judgement of ye, but let’s turn our talk to other matters, alright?”

“Fine,” said Noah. She was not only a racist, but a bit of a homophobe, apparently. He wondered if everyone in this world was like that. He probably couldn’t blame her. She didn’t know better. If he was raised in a society that hated gay people, he’d probably be homophobic too. He’d try to reason with her but knew he couldn’t force her to change. He looked at her stern face and decided that he still found her beautiful, in spite of her flaws. Maybe he could convince her she was in the wrong. But not now.

They were quiet for a bit. Angel and Berenice seemed to be getting further and further ahead of them as they played fetch. Noah walked a bit closer to Chastity, and walked quietly beside her. He thought for a bit, and then spoke. “Chastity?”

“Yea, Noah?”

“You know last night?”

Chastity smiled and looked sidelong at Noah. “Yea, Noah, I remember it.”

“Yeah. Well, I was just wondering, that thing you did… That thing, with my fingers.”

“Yea?”

“Have you ever done that with someone else?”

“Ah.” She nodded her head. “Yea, I have. I’m verily sorry if that troubles ye.”

Noah shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. Not really. I was just curious. You’re, well, you were very good at it, so I figured you had done it before.” Chastity flashed a coy smile. “You haven’t done anything else, though?”

“What do ye mean?”

“Like, sex, or anything like that?”

Chastity looked at Noah. “I’m sorry, I know not what that means, Noah.”

“Oh, damn you! You’re impossible!” smiled Noah.

Chastity raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Learn the rules, ye deviant!” The two of them laughed. Then, she said, “I remain still a viable bride, if that be what yer asking.”

“Okay, yeah, uhh, I think that’s basically what I’m asking. Thanks. Good to know.”

She nodded, and they kept walking. They were catching up with Berenice and Angel, as Berenice was now lying on the grass next to the pathway, and Angel was running circles around her, barking excitedly.

“What a pair of silly oafs!” smiled Chastity.

As they got closer, Angel started biting at Berencie’s puffy wool afro, and Berenice started to yell. “Watch it, thou blathering cur! Cease gnawing on mine hair! Away, be off! Bahahaha!” Her laugh reminded Noah of the sound sheep make, but it was also girlish and cute.

“Angel-“ Chastity started to call, but then there was a loud thud behind her. “Shit, guard yer heads!” she shouted, covering her head with both hands while still gripping the balloons, looking above her.

Noah could see that something heavy and metal had dropped out of the sky and nearly killed Chastity on impact. He looked up but couldn’t see much with all the balloons floating above them.

Angel let go of Berenice’s white afro, and Berenice sat up. “Anvil birds! Zounds! Flee! Flee!” She scrambled to her feet, and Noah saw another metal object slam into the ground next to her. It looked like a giant anvil the size of a microwave oven, but from the sides of the anvil grew large, brown bird wings, and on the front was a long, red neck and the head of a bird with forward-facing eyes and a long, razor-sharp beak.

The bird started to fly back into the air, but it clearly struggled under its own weight, having to flap its long wings multiple times for each foot of height it gained. Its body was solid iron and looked like an actual anvil. The creature had to be magical, or else it wouldn’t be able to fly at all.

Noah heard another thud, this time between him and Chastity, and they all started to run. All three of them abandoned their wish balloons, which were slowing them down and obscuring their view of the sky, and they sprinted down the dirt road. Noah drew his sword. Chastity, in front of him, did not draw her bow. Instead, she just kept running, as did Berenice and Angel in front of her.

Thunk! Thunk! More of the anvil birds slammed into the dirt, leaving small craters behind where they fell. Berenice had to dive to the left to avoid one as it slammed into where she would have ran. It then started laboriously flapping to gain height again. As Noah ran by it, he swung with his crude, volcanic glass sword, and it bit deep into the bird’s wing, nearly severing it completely. The bird fell back to the ground and turned its neck to try to peck Noah, but he was out of its reach. He tried to pull his sword free, but it was stuck. He yanked harder and managed to pull it free, but he saw a shadow and looked up. He saw a hunk of iron about to fall on his head.

His eyes went wide, and in the split second he had before he’d have been crushed, he managed to say, “Dash” and shoot forward. He saw the anvil bird’s body pass through his head as he became incorporeal and started to sprint forward. The anvil birds, and Berenice and Chastity’s running ahead of him, seemed to slow down for him for the second he used the Dash ability, and then the ability ended, and he struggled to regain his footing and keep running to catch up with the others. Noah hoped Berenice and Chastity hadn’t noticed him using his Heretic ability.

Another anvil bird fell so close to him that he felt the feathers of its wing brush against his face, but he was lucky enough to avoid being brained. He looked back and saw the creature squawking angrily as it tried slowly to lift back into the air. Behind it, he saw that some of the birds that had dropped on them were already back in the air and flying toward them. There were dozens of anvil birds swarming above them. Behind them, he saw that some of the birds had instead gone for the balloons, popping them with their beaks. Noah saw hands, eyes, hearts, and other organs falling like rain from the wish balloons as they popped, and he saw one pair of anvil birds on the ground fighting over a head.

Noah looked forward and kept running. “Where do we go?” he screamed.

“I know not!” yelled Berenice.

Noah felt a shadow on top of him and suddenly sprinted to the side to avoid being crushed by another anvil bird. “Fuck!”

“We must take cover! Angel, left!” Chastity instructed, and Angel jerked left, out of the way of a falling anvil bird, which landed with a thunk.

“Where? There’s nowhere to hide!”

“I know not! By the Eye, there’s nowhere!”

Noah ran, keeping an eye on the sky above him. Huge anvil birds swarmed around them in the sky, each seeking the perfect opportunity to pull in their wings and drop in for the kill. As a group, they seemed to be making a progressively louder groaning noise in addition to their vicious squawking.

“Behold!” shouted Berenice, “Behind us!” she shouted as she ran, twisting her head to the side to look behind her. “An airship! We are delivered!”

The groaning sound grew louder, and Noah realized it wasn’t coming from the birds but from something else behind him. He and the rest of the group were cast into shadow as the airship drew nearer overhead. Noah turned his head to look up at it, keeping one eye on the ground in front of him as he ran.

In the sky floated a huge, black airship, which churned out thick, black smoke behind it as it flew heavily through the air. He saw that the outside of the airship was covered in metal and machinery. The airship looked more like a submarine than a ship, and he could not see any sign of who was piloting it.

The airship flew low, hovering over top of them, providing them with shelter. Chastity called forward to Berenice, telling her to slow down and get under the ship. The ground was dark under the huge ship, which was easily the size of a house, and made of thick, black metal. The sound of its engine was loud and made it hard to hear one another without yelling.

“Behold,” yelled Berenice as they slowed to a walk to stay under the airship, “They mean to reap the iron from the birds!”

The flock split around the airship. The birds still flew around in circles, waiting for an opportunity to crush them, but they were safe under the airship. They watched a huge metal arm with two mechanical joints slowly reach out from the ship, groaning and shaking as it moved. It was also made of black metal, except for the end of the arm, which looked like copper, and was shaped into a ‘U’ the size of a truck. Noah recognized the shape as the shape of a stereotypical magnet.

The ship slowed to a stationary hover and floated about ten feet above the group. They stopped walking to stay under the ship. Once the arm was fully extended, Noah heard a loud buzzing noise, which lasted for only a few seconds, and during that time, a dozen anvil birds were pulled from the air and sucked toward the magnet. They struck the magnet with such force that their iron bodies deformed on impact, and dismembered wings, beaks, and feathers went flying. The impact rang through the air and stabbed at Noah’s eardrums. He, Chastity, and Berenice all covered their ears and fell to their knees.

“Aaagh!”

They heard another pulse of loud buzzing and another loud clang as more anvil birds slammed into the magnet. Noah looked up and saw that the magnet itself was being dented and bent from the impact. It was now covered in the iron bodies of anvil birds, and the copper was barely visible. The airship turned 90 degrees and pulsed the magnet again, catching more anvil birds. At this point, only three birds survived. They tried to flee from the airship. Two got away, but the magnet pulsed again, and the last bird’s flight was slowed, stopped, and reversed as it squawked angrily. It was finally pulled at great speed toward the magnet and killed on impact.

Now covered in several tons of iron, the magnet arm twisted toward the airship’s body. A grille slid open, and the arm reached inside of the ship. The magnet and the attached iron dropped off the end of the magnet arm and into the ship. The arm then pulled out, now handless, from the ship and retracted to its original position. The grille closed, swallowing the magnet head and the iron.

“Who’s up there?” asked Noah.

“Longfolk,” replied Chastity.

The ship hovered in the air for a few seconds and then pulled ahead slowly. Once it was clear of Noah, Chastity, and Berenice, it slowly laid down on the grass, and finally, the loud rumbling of its engine ceased and it stopped spewing smoke.

Noah, Chastity, and Berenice stood and faced the airship. Angel stood by Chastity, alert. They waited. They finally heard a scraping sound as a small compartment near the bottom of the ship opened, and a ladder lowered to the ground. They heard footsteps and then saw a sheeple climbing down the ladder. He looked like a guard, as he wore black chainmail, a black metal helmet, and a sheathed sword. He turned to Noah’s group and raised his hand toward them briefly in greeting, making a peace sign.

Chastity returned the man’s peace sign and stepped forward to talk to him.

“You are fortunate we chanced upon the area and spied those birds seeking to slay you,” said the guard.

“Yea, we thank ye,” said Chastity.

The sheeple guard nodded. “We are pleased we could lend aid.” He smiled. “And their iron holdeth great value.”

“Is the ship manned only by shepfolk, or be there longfolk aboard also? I am a diplomat from the elven city of Hoomtree, and I have come far to seek aid from the longfolk.”

The sheeple looked toward the ship and then back at Chastity. “Aye, there is a noble of the bestretched aboard. He maketh his way to discourse with thee. A word of counsel: let him not hear thee term him a longfolk. Name him bestretched only.”

Berenice spoke to Chastity. “Chastity, the bestretched can be… sensitive. If thou dost wish, I can undertake the talking for thee.”

Chastity shook her head. “It be alright, Berenice. They’ll see ye as a slave, right? They’ll desire to talk to me, not ye.”

“Alright,” said Berenice, stepping back.

The sheeple guard was staring quizzically at Berenice. “Sheeple, thou sayest thou art not a slave? Hath someone broken thy chains and delivered thee from bestretched rule?”

“Aye,” said Berenice. “I am a free woman now. I labour no longer as a slave for the bestretched.”

The guard’s black face hardened. “This transgression will not go unpunished. Are you two the ones who freed this slave from her rightful station of servitude? Such is a great crime.”

“Nie,” spoke Chastity, “We know not of what ye speak. She is a slave. She is my slave, and ye never heard anyone speak to the contrary.”

“I am?” asked Berenice. She looked confused and devastated, glancing quickly from Chastity to the guard to Noah.

“She is? Ah, that doth clarify matters. I thank thee.”

Chastity nodded her head. But Berenice stepped closer to Noah and whispered to him. “Noah, am I truly a slave? I thought I was free.”

Noah leaned toward her and whispered into her long sheep ear. “Yeah, don’t worry, you’re free, Berenice. She is lying to the other sheep person so he won’t know you’re free.”

“Oh, thank the Eye!” exclaimed Berenice quietly in relief.

“I guess it’s illegal for us to tell you you’re not a slave?” whispered Noah.

“Aye, ‘tis a crime punishable by death to sway a sheeple away from the command of the Empire.”

“Jesus,” whispered Noah.

There was a hissing sound from the airship, and a large metal door slid open. A metal ramp slid down, creating a pathway. Then four sheeple guards came from the ship, pushing a wheeled, golden litter, which was decorated with blue, red, and purple fabric. On it sat what Noah thought must be a longfolk noble.

He looked human, but his arms, legs, and neck were much longer than they should have been. His arms were the length of an entire adult human, as were his legs. But they were no thicker than normal arms and legs. His neck must have been almost three feet long, even though it wasn’t wider or stronger than a normal human neck. His facial features were a bit pointier than a human’s, but he otherwise looked very much like a human whose legs, arms, and neck were stretched out.

He sat on a kind of fancy recliner, with his arms and legs stretched out, and his neck supported by the chair. His chin was raised to an extreme degree, as if in extreme arrogance, though his head was probably built to sit like that. He wore a nobleman’s puffy, blue clothing and a golden coronet. Most of his neck was covered by a long cowl. Noah wondered if he could stand on his own or even lift his head upright without aid. The noble’s implausible anatomy meant he probably wouldn’t be strong enough to support his nearly twelve feet of height, and so he was probably resigned to the lazy lounging position he now took.

He looked down his pointy nose at Noah’s group as he was rolled down the ramp and toward them. When the litter stopped, he spoke in a proud voice.

My name is Earl Hortensio, I greet you. I travel to the Toldenhold with haste. We’ve spared your lives; to us you owe a debt, Yet nobly, we exempt you from our bondage.

Receive this as a token of respect, From Empire’s greatness, to thee it is given, A gift bestowed for noble Elven nations. Thou hast my greeting and respect profound.

Berenice knelt on one knee and bowed her head down. Noah and Chastity copied her, paying respect to the longfolk noble.

Thou kneel’st before me, yet I rule thee not. I thank thee for respect that thou dost give, But I beseech thee now to stand and bear.

Chastity stood, and so did Noah. Berenice stayed kneeling. Noah turned his attention to the longfolk noble. He looked like an arrogant prick, looking down at them like that with his chin raised, but the position was probably forced upon him by his biology. He spoke like a pretentious prick, too, and Noah didn’t think he could blame that on his biology. Nevertheless, Noah could follow what was being said.

“I am from the Elven city of Hoomtree,” spoke Chastity. “I greet ye with deep reverence. I have journeyed to the long- to the Empire of the Bestretched to beseech succour from the Emperor, as my folk are plagued by a magical pestilence, and it is said he knows the remedy.”

The longfolk tilted his head slightly and responded:

I see. What tragic news thine words do carry. A malady of magic that cannot Be cured by mundane means or normal magic. Once did the Empire suffer such a plague, Yet aid and succour were to us denied.

Why thinkest thou the Emperor would work To give you aid and heal your dire wounds, When in our grandeur, we were left alone? Why would thy plea elicit help for Elves, If such a plea did fail to save our selves?

Chastity responded gravely. “I thank ye for yer sage words. Yer very wise and in the right. Yet, we elves, being neither as grand nor as cunning as the Bestretched, cannie save ourselves. We lack the means, nor do we possess the grandeur necessary. This is why we seek yer aid. We hope ye can save us, for without yer aid, we are surely lost.”

Onto the neutral expression of the noble broke a small smile.

Aye, charitably, aid to you we’ll lend. No Emperor am I, but just an Earl; This choice does lie in my hands not, and yet, Thy plea, I trust, will Antimogne heed. Northward now, to Toldenhold we’ll go, On blackiron vessel mine thou now mayst ride.

Chastity tried to suppress a smile and maintain a serious expression. “I thank ye. Yer Empire keeps its fame for charity and kindness. We shall go with ye, to the Toldenhold. We are full of gratitude.”

Thee only, elf, may come aboard my ship. Thy servant and thy kin of human birth Must seek elsewhere their passage. Do not mark My vessel as a ferry of the Earth. I’m not a ferryman, nor does my ship In common transport ply the azure sky.

Noah exchanged worried looks with Berenice and Chastity. Chastity said, “I pray, lord, ye have been so charitable and kind. Please, extend yer kindness to give my friends passage-“

Spoken is my word and hence assistance lent; Implore me more, and so I’ll give thee less. Speak not another word, or choose to walk. My ship will be a common ferry not.

Saying so, the noble made a slight gesture with one of his gangly fingers, and at once, the sheeple pushed his litter around and began rolling him toward the airship.

“What?” said Noah. “We can’t come with you?” The noble did not reply.

Chastity’s mouth hung open. She looked at the longfolk noble as he was pushed toward the airship.

“Touchy nobles,” whispered Berenice.

“Noah, I’m sorry, but I must go. I’m sorry!” Chastity said, starting to back toward the airship. “Meet me in the Toldenhold, alright? I’ll wait for ye if I can.”

“Wait, Chastity!” exclaimed Noah, taking her by the wrist. She quickly shook free from his grip. Tears formed in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Noah! I’m sorry! Take ye a ferry on the Wandering River. Go with Berenice.”

“Wait, don’t go! Please!”

“I’m sorry, Noah!” she said, turning to follow the sheeple guard into the airship. “I’m sorry, but me folk rely on me. I’ll see ye soon, Noah. I’m sorry!” She scooped Angel into her arms and climbed the metal ladder into the airship. The large door closed behind the noble, and the airship’s engine started rumbling again.

Noah stood, eyes wide and mouth open. He watched the airship slowly pull into the air – through no visible method of propulsion – and head toward the Rainbow Mountains.

Noah felt Berenice put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Noah. We can meet with her at the Toldenhold. I’ve never been there, but it should be but a week’s journey North from here, mayhaps less, if we can secure passage on a ferry.”

Noah stood in silence for a while. Chastity was gone. Damn it! The one good thing he had found since coming to this shitty world. Everything else had been shit. Immediately after waking up here, he fought for his life against a crazy bull person and killed them. Then, he was held down and basically molested by bull people. The bull people were no doubt trying to save him from the same fate as the crazy pull person he had killed before, so he was grateful, but he wouldn’t have needed saving if he hadn’t woken up in this shitty world in the first place! And that night, he was almost eaten by a weird polka-dotted bear monster.

Then Chastity saved him. She and Angel killed the monster and, more than that, talked to him, set up camp with him, and let him join their travels. Angel was adorable, at least when she wasn’t huge or covered in monster blood. And Chastity was amazing. She was kind, patient, beautiful, and had a good sense of humour. Later, she saved him again by killing the horrible hell stingray-monster. Hell exists in this world, which sucks. Would he go there if he died a sinner? A Heretic?

Chastity wasn’t perfect. In fact, she murdered someone right in front of him. She was a racist and a homophobe. But Noah couldn’t blame her too much for these things, since it was probably just how she was raised. She seemed like a very reasonable person. He could probably talk her out of her prejudices. She had a good heart. She was the one good thing he had, and now she was gone.

This world had slavery, uptight nobles, and murderous birds that dropped on your head and killed you. This world had nothing good in it except for her. Noah felt Berenice’s hand rubbing his shoulder as she silently tried to console him, and he felt guilty. Okay, Berenice was nice, too. She was weird and extremely gullible – not to mention also a racist, albeit against her own kind – but she was friendly and caring.

Noah turned to her with a weary smile. “Thanks, Berenice.”

Berenice smiled and patted him on the back. “We had better set forth, yea? A long journey doth lie before us.”

Noah mentally thanked that arrogant noble dickhead for the days of travel he now had to undertake, and the two started to walk through the hills: Noah, wearing his brown cloak, footwraps, and sun hat, and Berenice, wearing nothing but what nature gave her. She had more than enough wool to cover her private areas and shade her from the sun. Not that she needed protection from the sun, given the charcoal colour of her skin.

“We should reach a village by sundown, methinks. I’ve never been there, yet I’ve heard tell the folk there are otherfolk of a strange nature. I’m eager to see what manner of folk they be!”