024

Noah woke up. He was groggy and in pain. He sat up with a start, realizing he had woken up somewhere other than where he had gone to sleep.

His head pounded. “What the hell?” he said out loud. This was not the airship. He was outdoors, under the red glow of the Eye. The Eye was open, and it was staring right at him. The sky was bright red.

He tried to sit up, but the world spun, and he stopped to vomit. Stars flew in his vision. He turned and saw Cardi vomiting, too.

They were surrounded by scrap metal – remnants of the airship that had crashed – and snow. The stars floating in Noah’s eyes blended with the falling snow. It was hard to see with the dim red light and the whirling snowflakes.

“Noah? What happened?” asked Cardi.

Instead of responding, Noah staggered to his feet, looking around. They were surrounded by mountains. The ground was on an incline, so they were on one of the mountains, but not at the top. There were no trees, only large boulders and chunks of the broken airship.

Noah groaned. He felt Cardi’s hand touch his arm. “Are you okay, Noah?”

“Yeah, I mean, no. I mean, I don’t think I’m seriously injured. Where are the others? Where are we?”

“I don’t know, but it’s cold.” Cardi had lost her cloak and was completely nude. Noah felt cold, too, but he at least had pants and a shirt on. The airship had been cold, so he slept in his clothes. “Why is the sky like that? What’s going on?” she asked.

He looked up at the bright red sky and shrugged. The Eye stared intensely back down at him. Noah had no idea why the Eye was open, or why the sky was red.

Noah’s head turned as he heard the crunching of snow behind him. Some kind of stone golem marched toward Noah. It had a bulky stone body and eyes resembling orbs of swirling red magical energy.

“What is that?” asked Cardi.

“I don’t know. Stay back. Stay back!” Noah yelled at Cardi. He stood in front of her. He could Ether Walk if he needed to, and even hide in the shadow of the red light, but then the thing would come for Cardi. He would have to fight. He had no weapon, but maybe he could use the same strategy against this creature as he had used against the metal creatures in the Rainbow Mountains. Ether Walk while holding an object, and let the Ether Walk end while the object was inside the body of the creature. He looked around for a rock or something he could use. There were chunks of metal nearby that might work, but none within reach.

“DIE!” shouted the golem in a screeching, metallic voice. The voice was strangely feminine. The golem exploded into a sprint and ran toward Noah and Cardi.

“Cardi, run!” yelled Noah. She ran, and Noah dashed to the side to grab a hunk of the airship’s destroyed hull and then Ether Walk, but the golem was too fast. It swung its clublike, stone arm, but missed.

Noah grabbed the metal as the golem skidded through the snow.

“DIE!” he heard another screech from above. He turned to see a giant, humanoid hawk creature diving toward him, reaching toward him with its huge talons. He held the metal in front of his face to protect himself. The talons grabbed the metal and tried to pull it from Noah’s grasp. He fought for control of the metal. The hawk man looked down at Noah with its swirling, red eyes and tried to bite his face but missed, aiming a few inches too far to the right. The hawk man overpowered Noah for control of the hunk of metal and flew off with it.

The golem was running toward Noah and was about to slam both of its stone arms down on him when Noah yelled, “Ether Walk!” and became incorporeal and invisible. The golem’s hands slammed down in the snow, but not quite where Noah was lying. It would have just missed him, even without the Ether Walk. Noah considered where to go. He started to run toward a boulder, maybe to hide in its shadow or give him something to maneuver around. The golem followed him. It could see him? Noah realized it was following his footsteps through the snow.

Noah’s Ether Walk ended just before he could reach the boulder’s shadow. The golem was right behind him, and a third creature pounced onto the boulder from behind it. A big cat of some kind, with four long, sabre-like teeth, and the same swirling, red eyes as the other two. The creature watched Noah from atop the boulder, hunching down, ready to pounce when Noah got close enough.

“Hey, over here! Leave him alone!” cried Cardi. She had poked out from behind a large destroyed segment of the airship to yell out to the attacking creatures. Noah saw both the golem’s head and the big cat’s head turn to look at Cardi. The sabre-toothed cat screeched, “DIE!” and took off toward Cardi, and she screamed. The hawk man also flew down toward Cardi. Noah dipped behind the boulder. The golem chased him around the boulder, but Noah positioned himself on the opposite side of the boulder from it. He still had several uses of Ether Walk left and could become indefinitely incorporeal if necessary.

The golem gave up chasing Noah around the boulder, content to keep him locked down there. Noah watched in horror as the hawk’s talons scratched into the top of Cardi’s head and opened glowing, red wounds. The red glow spread over her entire body. Noah heard her screaming as the red glow consumed her body. Her shape transformed, and when the red glow faded, she was some kind of giant newt, with the same glowing red eyes as the other creatures. “DIE!” Noah heard her screech as she and the other creatures ran toward Noah.

“Fuck!” Noah said. He was on the opposite side of the boulder as the shadow. He tried to bait the golem into chasing him around the boulder, but it stayed in place. It was as if it knew Noah wanted to Ether Walk and hide in the shadow. Noah decided he could just Ether Walk and then move into the shadow, sharing the same physical space as the golem. “Ether Walk,” he shouted, walking around the boulder and into the shadow. The golem stepped back when Noah approached, apparently not comfortable with sharing space with Noah. “DIE!” it screeched.

The creatures all surrounded the shadow Noah was hiding in. Noah hoped they would eventually get bored and leave. Even though he was invulnerable while in his Ether Walk, which would not end so long as he was in shadow thanks to his Shadowwalker ability, he still felt unnerved by their glowing red swirling stare. Even though he was invisible, he felt like they were staring directly at him. “DIE!” they each took turns screeching.

The big cat stepped forward and slammed its paws on the ground. Somehow, they released a burst of red, swirling energy, much like the red swirls in its eyes. The light momentarily eliminated the shadow of the boulder.

Shit, thought Noah. The cat knew it should create light to eliminate the shadow, to get Noah’s Ether Walk to end. But how did it know?

The cat slammed its paws down several more times, each time illuminating the shadow and taking time off Noah’s Ether Walk. Finally, Noah became visible again. The hawk man tried to peck at Noah’s head, missing by a slim margin as Noah ducked.

“Ether Walk,” Noah said again. The cat immediately returned to slamming its paws, creating red light to illuminate the shadow. Noah still had 2 Favor remaining, and could Ether Walk again, but the creatures had figured out how to counter his ability, and soon he would be vulnerable. Noah wished he could use his Shadow Steps ability to get away, but with the poor visibility, he couldn’t see any other shadows besides the one he was hiding in. If he dashed out from behind the boulder, maybe he could see the shadow of the chunk of the airship Cardi had been hiding behind, but then he wouldn’t be in shadow, so he couldn’t teleport between shadows using the Shadow Steps ability.

His Ether Walk ended with another burst of red light. Noah started to activate it again, but the hawk man stabbed forward at Noah, aiming just above Noah’s head. Noah felt the force of the impact, even though the hawk missed his head. The sky went dark. The bright red glow of the sky was replaced with the usual dim green glow of the night. The Eye was closed. And standing around him were not monsters, but his companions.

“What the-?” said Noah, looking up. He saw a heartseeker dagger, held by Sven, that had stabbed into something on top of his head. He felt a pain in his scalp, and the sliding of thin, hairy arms as something fell off his head.

“What the fuck!” shouted Noah. He stepped back and turned around to look at the creature that had been on his head. It was a small, hairy, batlike creature with wings, four slender arms, and sharp fangs. Its eyes swirled with red, but were fading quickly as it bled from the opening in its chest Sven had created.

Noah looked at his companions in shock. Sven was smiling down at him. His eyes were the only ones that were still glowing red, though not the swirling, mystical glow from before. Just the plain, red light of Sven’s magic.

“You can be an elusive one,” said Sven, lending Noah a hand.

“Heardest thou not us cry unto thee?” asked Berenice, who was larger than usual thanks to her new ring artifact. “Wherefore didst thou continue to flee?”

“What?” asked Noah.

“He was hallucinating,” said Jori plainly.

“Yeah, it’s like I said, you guys all looked like scary monsters!” said Cardi. Apparently, she had also had one of those hairy bat things on her head. He could see the two puncture marks on the top of her head where it had latched onto her. Noah touched his own similar wound, which slowly bled.

“Well, they’re dead now,” said Sven.

“Hopefully, there shall be no more,” said Berenice.

“If there are, we’d see them coming,” said Sven. “I imagine they only managed to latch onto Noah and Cardi because they were staggered from the crash.”

“Were you out cold?” asked Jori.

Noah replied, “I’m not really sure. I don’t remember. I don’t remember the crash. I just remember waking up, and the sky was red, and you were all attacking me, screaming ‘die’ at me.”

“Methinks we should count ourselves lucky thou hadst not thine armour, nor thy Tesla rod,” said Berenice. She took off her ring and became her normal size.

“Yeah. Shit, where is it?”

“We’ll loot the wreckage, and head out soon after. We should find most of our belongings. Jori says there is a city to the south.”

“I can create a fire to keep us warm,” said Jori.

“Great! How can I help?” asked Cardi. Her teeth were chattering in the cold as snow fell on her naked body.

“You can help by not dying of exposure,” said Sven. “Jori, let’s get that fire started now.”

Jori threw wooden items from the wreckage into a heap and lit them with his flaming fists. Cardi stood beside the fire, hands extended, warming herself while the rest of the group sifted through the wreckage. They found all their artifacts, except the healing potion was smashed and the mysterious orb missing. Noah held his armour in a bundle in his arms, with the flesh scanner and other stuff in his backpack. Everyone bundled up as best they could, wearing blankets for extra warmth, and finally headed south.

It wasn’t long before they crested a spur of snowy rock and could see the city to the south. The city was huge, with massive buildings and even small skyscrapers. The city glowed brightly in many colours, but predominantly pink and baby blue. Blimps and hot-air balloons in similar colours floated over the city. The pastel city was some distance away, and between it and the group lay a bunch of farmland, neatly divided into rectangular plots.

The mountain was easy enough to descend. It wasn’t incredibly high nor particularly steep, and soon, they were walking through fields of wheat.

It was night, so any farmers would be asleep, but there was nevertheless a lot of activity in the fields. As the group got closer, they saw blue metal golems moving through the fields. They seemed humanoid from the waist up, though they had fat wheels instead of legs. They were spraying the fields with water from both hands.

“What are those things?” asked Cardi.

“Golems. Let’s keep our distance,” said Sven, “We don’t want any trouble. Let’s try to find a road so we’re not trespassing.”

They walked through several fields, searching for a road. While they were walking through a field of wheat that didn’t seem to be growing as well as the surrounding fields, Berenice tripped and fell forward. “Ahh!”

“Are you okay?” asked Noah.

“A man!”

“What?”

“Behold, a man!” said Berenice.

Noah stepped forward and could see Berenice had tripped over a man who had been lying in the field. The man was small – only about four feet tall – and had dusky blue skin. His features were unusually rounded, and his head was bald. The man wore ratty jeans and no shirt, and his face and chest were covered in loose wheat grains.

“Uhh…” groaned the man.

“Aww, are you okay?” asked Cardi, kneeling to talk to the man.

“Let’s just keep going; this man doesn’t concern us,” said Jori. Sven hushed him.

“Oh,” said the man, sitting up. Grains fell onto his jeans. “Well, color me surprised. My apologies, folks, I seem to have dozed off during my power lunch… Golly, I’m hungry.”

“Thou art hungry?” asked Berenice.

“Starving. You’re not opportunistic crooks, come to leverage my grains, are you? You don’t look like elves.”

“We are not elves,” said Berenice, “Nor crooks.”

“Fantastic. Martin Greywald, by the way. Sorry, I didn’t catch your names?”

The group introduced themselves by name, shaking Martin’s hand in turn. Martin spoke again to the group, seeming to talk mainly to Noah.

“My sincerest apologies for catching you all off guard. My hunger grew unbearable, compelling me to come out here and start eating raw grains. Admittedly silly of me, since they have a zero-calorie profile, but hunger is a pressing pain point for me, and I’m facing certain… liquidity constraints.”

“You mean you’re poor,” said Sven.

“You hit the nail on the head, chief,” nodded Martin shamefully.

Noah spoke. “You must make some money selling your wheat, right? You can’t afford food? And you can’t just eat what you grow? I don’t get why a farmer would be starving.”

“You see, the urban consumers are all-in on this zero-calorie wheat. They can eat bread and pasta and cakes without ever getting fat. But my yield has been suboptimal lately. My tractor golem’s broken, you see. Only sprays water out of one side, and I can’t afford to get it fixed. Especially with the requirement I use only the approved craft mages, or it’ll void the warranty.”

“Shit, that sucks,” said Noah. “You can have some of our food, though, if you want. We packed lots. Maybe you could let us stay the night at your house or something?”

“Oh, sure, absolutely. Follow my lead,” said Martin. He groaned as he stood up, and marched them through the wheat field to his house. It was a luxurious stone building, which looked large enough that they’d each get their own room. The door opened automatically for them as they approached.

“We knew not thou wert wealthy!” exclaimed Berenice upon entering the house. The mansion was filled with deluxe fabrics and exquisite furnishings, and the walls were dripping with art.

“Wealthy, you say? What makes you say that?”

“This place is huge!” said Noah, “And look at all this art!”

“Oh, this setup is part of the rental package. Each farmhouse has the same art, and the same furnishings. All belongs to my landlord, and his landlord in turn. How about we eat in the dining hall?”

Martin led them up a set of stairs and down a hallway to an opulent dining hall. They each sat on one of the cushioned wooden chairs. Sven and Jori sat comfortably, but Noah, Berenice, and Cardi were a bit big for the chairs designed for someone Martin’s size.

Noah and Sven unpacked some of their food and handed it out. Martin went bug-eyed at the meal: roast beef sandwiches.

“This meat,” asked Martin, “Is it the traditional, full-calorie kind? And the bread as well?”

“Yeah,” replied Noah.

“Remarkable,” said Martin, chowing down on his food with haste that made the others uncomfortable.

“Wow, you must have been hungry!” said Cardi as she watched the massacre.

Martin swallowed the last of the sandwich. “You have no idea. My kitchen’s well-stocked, of course, offering a diverse range of foods. Everything you can imagine, but not a calorie in sight. Zero-calorie foods are an expensive commodity in the city, but out here, they’re the most cost-effective option. Do you have any more sandwiches?”

Noah handed him another sandwich, which he started to devour. “But you’ll starve if you eat zero-calorie foods, right? So shouldn’t you buy food that actually has nutrients in it?”

“If only I had that luxury,” said Martin between bites. “I’m in the market for a wife, you see, but what woman would marry a man whose kitchen is filled with food that would impact her waistline?”

“The city, what is it called?” asked Sven. “I have never met your people before.”

“Ah, I’m a gnom! And the city is New Gnom City – the best city on Earth. Surprised you haven’t heard of it. As for your species, I initially thought you were elves, except for the duo resembling sheep.” He spoke of Berenice and Jori. “Seems I might have been mistaken?”

“Ah, I am a vampire. We have magical blood and consume blood for its mana content. Berenice and Jori are sheeple, or shepfolk, as the elves say. Jori is flameblooded. Noah here is true human, or so we think. And Cardi…” He looked at her, unsure what to say.

“I’m pink!” she said.

“Just so? Incredible. I’ve never met a pink woman, nor a vampire, a sheeple, and a true human. You must be adventurers, given the distance from your ancestral lands, correct?”

“I guess we are kind of adventurers,” said Noah.

“Well, if it’s adventure you’re after, you should swing by the adventurer’s union en route to the city. They’re always stocked with crucial quests needing attention.”

“Well, actually,” said Noah, “We’re already on an adventure. We’re heading to Hoomtree. Do you know it? Is it close?”

“Hoomtree? The elven capital? What’s drawing you there?” Martin’s face scrunched in disgust. “Is this part of an officially sanctioned quest? Seems like it could be dangerous.”

“Uhh, I don’t know what that means, but we’re going to help them with the disease they’ve been dealing with,” said Noah.

“Huh. I don’t know about that. You might want to check the adventurer’s union first to see if it’s forbidden.”

“Okay…” said Noah.

They finished eating with Martin, and he graciously showed them to their rooms. The rooms were as luxurious as the rest of the house, and they each got a room to themselves.

The next day, they said goodbye to Martin and headed toward the city. In the light of day, it was easier to find a road to the city.

“Strange fellow,” said Sven after leaving Martin’s mansion.

“Curious indeed,” said Berenice. “A gnom. Hast thou ever heard of such a creature?”

“I’ve heard of gnomes, but not gnoms,” said Noah, “But they’re both short, so I guess they’re similar.”

“Then I must be a gnom, too,” said Jori. Sven smiled at the remark.

They walked until they reached the edge of the city. The Adventurer’s Union building was just outside the city, and they decided to check it out. It, too, was a fancy place, constructed from marble, with pillars and grand double doors. And an amount of signage that would make it impossible to miss. The place matched the pastel colour scheme of the city itself, with pastel green banners hanging from each pillar.

The doors opened for them as they entered. As soon as they did, a distraught gnom woman ran toward them with tears in her eyes. She was similar to Martin, with steel blue skin and a short stature, though she had a tiny waist and a shapely body.

“Finally, adventurers!” she shouted, grabbing Noah’s shirt. “Please, help! I have a quest that calls for the bravest and strongest among you! It’s my son – he’s been captured by a ferocious pack of bolves! You must defeat them and rescue him, please, I implore you!”

“Oh no!” said Cardi. “Where did they take him?”

“Just a few minutes West of here! By the old oak tree! Please, help!”

“Oh, we have to help her! Can we help her?”

“I guess,” said Noah.

Next thing they knew, the woman was urgently leading them outside and down a dirt trail toward a massive oak tree. Noah was glad he had put on his armour this morning, because things might get bloody. He held his Tesla rod nervously.

“Did she say ‘bolves’?” asked Jori as they ran.

“I think she did,” said Sven. “No idea what those are. Hopefully not too dangerous.”

“But she did claim only the bravest and strongest of adventurers could aid her, did she not?”

“True,” said Sven.

They finally came close to the oak tree, and the woman shouted. “There! In that cavern!” She pointed to a raised mound of earth, which had a cave entrance in the side. Coming from the cave was a queue of dozens of people, waiting their turn to get into the cave.

“What is this?” asked Noah.

“The cave where my son was taken! Please, get in line so you can save him! Hurry!” she shouted.

“Where are you going?” asked Noah as the woman started to run back to the Adventurer’s Union. “Hey!”

“What the hell?” asked Jori calmly.

“Let’s get in line! Quick!” said Cardi. The group, confused, followed her to the back of the line.

Sven spoke to the gnom in front of them, who was kitted out in cheap metal armour and holding a longsword. “Hello, friend. We were hoping you could help us, as we’re a bit confused.”

“Oh? Maybe I can provide some clarity?” asked the gnom.

“Why is everyone lined up here?”

“We’re waiting our turn to rescue the son from the bolves and complete the quest,” said the gnom matter-of-factly.

“What the hell?” asked Noah. “There’s nobody in actual danger? This is just some kind of setup?”

“I assure you, bolves pose quite a significant threat. This quest is advised for high-level adventurers only. What is your questing rank?”

“Uh oh,” said Cardi. “I don’t think we have a questing rank.”

Sven said, “So what happens? We go in and slay some bolves? Then what?”

“Then the son thanks us, and gives us our reward: Questing experience points, which contribute to our questing rank. Once you’ve paid the completion fee, of course.”

“This doesn’t sound like a real adventure,” said Noah.

“I assure you, it’s officially sanctioned,” said the gnom.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“But what about the woman’s son!” said Cardi.

“‘Tis all fake, Cardi,” said Berenice. “A deception intended to fleece us.”

“What a load of shit,” said Noah. “I thought someone was really in trouble.”

They walked back to the Adventurer’s Union, where they saw the woman speaking to a young group of adventurers. Noah noticed that their cheap adventuring gear looked more like low-quality Halloween costumes than real armour and weapons.

“Just a few minutes West of here! By the old oak tree! Please, help!” she said to the group.

“Hey!” interjected Noah. “What the hell was that?”

“What?” asked the woman.

“Your son’s not really in danger? The quest is fake?”

The woman’s expression went from sad to neutral in an instant as she dropped the act. “For concerns about quest authenticity, please address the counter.”

Noah frowned and looked at the counter. There was a woman wearing a green outfit and a hat with a massive, foam sword on top. He nodded the rest of the group toward the counter.

The woman at the counter spoke. “Hello there! I hope you’re having an adventuresome day! How can I help you?”

“Uhh, we just went on some bullshit quest, but there wasn’t actually anyone in danger? It was all a setup? Do you guys just set up fake quests for people to do, or what?”

“I assure you, all our quests are one hundred percent authentic and sanctioned by the adventurer’s board.”

“Right. Sounds like a bunch of shit to me.”

“I am sorry for your dissatisfaction. Would you like to submit a complaint?” asked the woman.

Noah shook his head. “No. Forget it.”

Noah turned to leave, but Sven spoke to the woman. “I was hoping you could tell me about Hoomtree? I was told to ask here if a trip to the elven capital was forbidden?”

“Oh,” said the woman, looking surprised. “Sorry, I’m going to have to get my manager. Have an adventuresome day!”

The woman dashed through a door. Soon, an older woman wearing a similar green outfit came out to greet them. “I hear you are heading to the elven capital for a quest?” The woman looked unamused and eyed them skeptically.

“Yes, that is the plan,” said Sven.

“Who assigned this quest to you? Be assured, it is not officially sanctioned, and we plan to take legal action against those who issue unauthorized quests.”

“We merely intend to help with the elven plague,” said Sven.

“Please, restrict yourself to approved quests, as unsanctioned ones won’t earn you any questing experience points and could expose you to legal risks. I can assist you in finding an alternative quest that might sate your need for adventure. There’s one where you get to slay a dragon. Would you be interested in that one?”

Noah stared at her in disbelief. “Come on,” he said. “This is garbage.”

“I tend to agree,” said Jori. “Let’s just go to the city. Maybe someone there can tell us how to get to Hoomtree. And we need supplies.”

The group left the Adventurer’s Union, and headed through the gates into New Gnom City.