Streaks of orange fire blazed past the green gas giant that hung oppressively in the night sky. It was almost morning, and the sun’s light was just starting to peek above the horizon. They had been in the blimp for nearly a day, and were now under attack. The sky cracked with the fiery projectiles shot by a dozen lumbering airships baring down on them. Fire rained past the bright red blimp on either side. Noah fired his Tesla rod. The roaring lightning left afterimages in his eyes. Another miss. It was no use – the airships outranged him, and his lightning couldn’t reach. He didn’t think his new micro-missiles he had made yesterday morning could reach that far, either, or that they would do much anyway.
Like the rest of the group, Noah was helpless. Sven had slipped on his Ring of Dumb Luck, eating the Intelligence debuff to get the Luck boost. There wasn’t much to do besides pray Grogan’s racing blimp could outpace Antimogne’s fleet. Noah’s fists clenched his Tesla rod. He hated feeling useless.
New Gnom City was dark at night. There was a curfew, and the streets were empty. Noah shivered. He had no trouble sneaking out. His whole roster of abilities made him great at sneaking. He walked invisible through the ritzy streets of downtown New Gnom City, staying in the shadow of the large buildings. He then passed through the gate into the same ghetto they had been to before.
He had to come back. He needed to speak to Simplicity, the elf. He needed to know how to make sure Chastity would take him back. He took a circuitous route to get to the apothecary, avoiding a gang of Silent youths who were out late. He passed through the door and into the building. He thought about knocking but wasn’t sure he would be heard from upstairs, where he assumed Simplicity lived. He hoped Simplicity lived in the house above the shop, because otherwise he had no idea where to find the man.
Noah walked up the steps, becoming visible as his Ether Walk timed out. He was quiet opening the door at the top of the stairs and tiptoing into the room. The room was more of a barracks than a living space. There were a dozen beds, each occupied. But the only elf there was female. She looked nothing like Chastity. Her ears were long, and she was fat. The rest of the people were Silent adults. They had no mouths and skin like snow. Noah wondered how they ate.
He snuck past the sleeping people into the next room. A kitchen. Grungy and in disrepair. Nothing had been cooked there in years. It was used as a storage space for alchemy equipment and random boxes of stuff. At the far end of the kitchen were two doors. One door was open and led to a bathroom – also filthy. Noah went quietly through the other.
There was Simplicity sleeping with his bow in hand. He was nude underneath his blanket. The room was sparse, with little more than the bed and Simplicity himself.
How to wake him? Noah didn’t want Simplicity to freak out. He thought about it for a while and settled on saying, “Psst.”
Nothing. Simplicity maintained his hard expression even in rest, and it was unchanged by Noah’s whispering.
“Pssst.”
Simplicity stirred, but he didn’t wake. He made a soft grumble.
“Psssst!”
“Hmm?” Simplicity sat up, looking around his dark bedroom. He squinted his eyes but couldn’t see Noah. “Who is it?”
“Shhh,” said Noah.
Simplicity sat up straight. “Who is it?” He repeated. “Name yerself!”
“It’s me. Don’t freak out!” whispered Noah.
At once, Simplicity was standing and firing an arrow from his bow. Noah whispered “Ether Walk” just quickly enough to avoid being pierced through the throat. The arrow stuck into the wall behind him.
“I said don’t freak out!” whispered Noah while invisible.
“What do ye want? I know yer voice. Are ye coming to take more drugs?” asked Simplicity.
“No! Nothing like that! Please, put the bow down!”
“Yea, so ye can leap from the shadows and stick mine heart? Think ye me a fool? Do ye so insult me?” Simplicity kept his bow held high, ready to shoot.
“Ether Walk!” said Noah right as his Ether Walk timed out. He flickered back to invisibility just in time as another arrow passed through him.
“I wouldn’t have woken you up if I was going to kill you! I’d just have stabbed you in your sleep or something! Please, just listen to me!”
Simplicity considered this. “Hmm. I suppose yer words have reason to them. Fine, then what do ye desire? Why should I not slay ye anyway?”
“I just want to ask you some questions. Please, I can pay you. I have a lot of drug tokens from the job earlier.”
Simplicity’s ears perked up at this. “Hmm. Information for coin, yea? Fine. What do ye want to know?”
Gogo Grogan’s racing blimp was the fastest in New Gnom City, and it managed to pull away from the bulk of the airships. Yet, one peculiar, sleek, black vessel kept pace with them, bombarding them with inky black projectiles. It was shaped like a bird of prey. It was the smallest of the airships but also the fastest.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said the blimp driver, “I fear we may bite the dust soon. This strange airship is too swift!”
“Oh, Eye!” said Berenice. “Do something!”
Cardi prayed quietly to the Heart, hanging onto her seat in the gondola with both hands.
“One of these shots will manage to hit us,” said Sven, “And when it does, we will crash.”
“I’ll be fine,” said Jori. “Sucks to be you guys.”
“Not without me to revive your flaming heart, rogue,” said Sven.
“We have to do something,” said Noah. “We can’t just wait for them to shoot us down.” He leaned his head out of the gondola and saw a shadowy projectile fly past the rudder of the airship. He looked at the sleek, nightmarish airship bearing down on them. It flew at an angle, exposing its open side, where two gunners sat, firing shots of whatever it was from rotating metal turrets.
“What can we do?” asked Berenice. “They are too far for thy Tesla rod.”
“I’m going over there,” said Noah.
“You can’t!” said Cardi, snapping out of her silent prayer.
“Noah, that would be reckless,” said Sven.
“I can’t just sit here and wait to die. Look, there’s a shadow inside the ship. And we’re under the blimp, so I can Shadow Step to and from here at any time. I’ll just pop over and take care of things.”
“By yourself? How?” asked Jori.
“If you must, then take my metalskin ring. Thou still havest one artifact slot, correct?” Berenice slipped off the ring and handed it to Noah.
He slipped it on, turning to solid metal. He stared at the enemy airship, trying to figure out a plan of attack. Damn Antimogne. He should have known he wouldn’t go down so easy. He underestimated him.
“What will you do?” asked Sven.
Noah didn’t respond. Instead, he fell through his seat, disappearing into the shadow that covered its surface. He emerged from a shadow in the body of the enemy ship behind the two gunners. If he killed them directly, the Heart would surely be furious.
“Ether Walk”, he whispered. He took one look at the red racing blimp. He couldn’t quite see most of them, but he saw Berenice’s afro. He hoped they would be okay for a few more seconds. Noah snuck invisibly into the back of the airship, where the engine was. He found the familiar, cyan glow of an anti-magic battery. He knew those onboard would die if he unplugged the battery. The ship would crash, and they would all die on impact. Would the Heart care? She didn’t care when he had Moali killed. She only seemed to care about direct killings. Hopefully, she wouldn’t count this, but even if she did, he didn’t have much of a choice. He lifted the metal cage holding the battery in place and pulled the battery out of its socket. The engine went quiet.
Noah dashed back to the center of the ship where the gunners were. He didn’t have much time. Antimogne’s airships did not float like blimps – they defied physics with anti-magic. Now that the anti-magic was gone, the airship was falling from the air like a rock. He heard the gunners yelling in terror as the ship dropped. He leapt into the shadow behind them, looking at the blimp.
He emerged upside-down in the gondola, landing on top of Jori. “Fuck!” said Noah and Jori both at the same time. There was a thunderous crashing sound as the airship Noah had just been inside slammed into the Earth. He closed his eyes. Good – no penalty.
“Incredible!” said Berenice.
“You’ve saved us all! Many thanks!” said the driver.
“That was truly impressive, Noah,” said Sven, looking out the gondola window at the wreckage behind them.
Noah slipped off the ring, handing it back to Berenice as he took his seat. She slipped it back on, but with her mirage necklace, the effect was invisible.
“I don’t know how long I can keep this pace,” said the driver.
“It doesn’t matter,” said Sven. “They’re turning around.”
“Verily?” asked Berenice.
“But why?” asked Cardi.
Jori spoke. “Obviously, they’re afraid Noah will take them out, too.”
Sven turned his head, looking ahead of the blimp. “Well, no, I don’t think that’s it. I think they’re afraid to enter elven territory.”
“Why would they be afraid of that?” asked Jori.
“Dragons,” said Sven.
At that moment, Noah watched four dragons come into view. Not classic, Western fantasy dragons, but more like Chinese dragons. Long, snakelike creatures with golden scales and manes of teal hair. The dragons had four small legs and were each ridden by an elf. They flew through the air like ribbons, circling the blimp protectively. The group all gawked at the dragons. They were incredible. Huge and majestic. Creatures of legend, under the control of their elven riders.
The dragons circled the blimp until Hoomtree came into view. Noah’s dreams of the city paled in comparison to reality. It was a wooden paradise. Wooden towers covered in organized greenery and fountains of water scratched the sky, growing naturally out of the surrounding landscape. The city was lush and had the ordered beauty of a garden rather than the chaotic natural appeal of the surrounding forest.
The dragons blocked their path and forced them to land outside the city. They set the blimp down in a small clearing, and the dragons landed around them. One dragon’s face was close to the gondola, and Noah stared into its always-open angry jaws and into its fierce, red eyes. An elf nimbly climbed down a strap on the side of the dragon. The dragon was ten feet tall and five or six times as long.
“Ye tread on hallowed land,” shouted a bald male elf in a yellow robe. “Yer vessel is known, but yer visit has not been approved. Come out with yer hands raised.”
They did as they were told. One by one, they exited the blimp and stood in the grass with their hands above their heads. The four dragon-rider elves all wore the same pale-yellow robe, though only the man who spoke was bald.
“Why did ye not schedule yer visit? Unscheduled visits are forbidden and a violation of custom.”
“We apologize,” said Noah carefully. “We meant no disrespect.” He bowed low. “We are here to speak to Chastity. We need to talk to her urgently.”
“Chastity? The diplomat, ye mean? What business have ye with her?”
“Among other things, I have come to take her as my wife.” Noah maintained his low bow. The others in his group stared at him, confused that he would say such a thing, but they stayed quiet and let him lead the way.
The elf bowed back. “I understand. Yer welcome in Hoomtree, pale one. Do any others have business in the capital?”
“They are my friends-“
“They have come unannounced. They shall not be suffered. Ye may enter the city, but if the rest enter, they will be killed. Our business is concluded.”
The elf turned and climbed back on his dragon. The others followed his example. They took off into the sky.
“I guess it’ll just be me going,” Noah said to the group.
“Sorry, Noah. Be careful,” Said Berenice.
“Yes, do be careful. Elves are a touchy bunch,” said Sven. “How long will you be? We can wait here.”
“We’re only like a half-hour walk from the city. Hopefully, it doesn’t take me too long to find her.”
“You think she’ll come with you?” Sven asked.
“Well, I may have to marry her first. It could take some time.”
“What?” said Cardi. “She’s just gonna marry you like that? Don’t you have to go on dates first?”
“That’s not how elves do it,” said Noah. He kind of wished it was, but as long as he could finally be with Chastity, he didn’t care.
“How do you know she’ll even want to marry you? Are you sure you’re ready for something like that?” asked Cardi.
Noah sighed. “I don’t know. She probably won’t. She probably still hates me. But maybe I can make her understand. Anyway, I should go. Sorry. If I’m not back by nightfall-“
“It’s fine, we’ll figure it out,” said Sven. “Go.”
“Stop him!” Cardi urged Berenice, but she said nothing. Noah walked into the forest, heading toward the wooden spires of Hoomtree.
Noah sat across from Simplicity, the elf who ran the apothecary. Noah had dragged a chair into his bedroom, and Simplicity sat cross-legged on the bed. Simplicity had just finished counting Noah’s tokens, which lay beside him in bed.
“So, what do ye want to know?”
“I’m in love with an elf woman named Chastity. I want to know what I can do to make her forgive me and marry me. I want to know how elf marriage works, and what I am supposed to do.”
Simplicity smiled. “Ah, so that’s it, huh? Love? Well, ye must grasp it while ye may. Elves do things more swiftly than other kinds. Ye will not woo her. Ye’ll wed her right away, understand? How long have ye known her?”
“I met her months ago, but I only actually knew her for a few days,” Noah admitted.
“Good, then it is not too late. Once ye spend too long with an elf woman, she’ll never wed ye. Ye must steal her away to a church soon and marry her. Hopefully, the distance betwixt ye hath increased her fondness for ye.”
“Yeah, about that,” Noah said. “She kind of hates me.”
Simplicity raised his eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Yeah. I may have cheated on her.”
“I nie understand what ye mean, but if ye mean ye betrayed yer betrothal with her, then how? Ye’ve not been wedded yet, right?”
“I mean, I had sex with someone else, I think, while she liked me. I mean, she did like me before she found out.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that word means.” Simplicity looked at Noah blankly. He was a good actor. Noah remembered Chastity playing the same game. Elves pretended sex didn’t exist, but in secret, they knew all about it.
“Forget it,” said Noah. “Just understand that she was pissed off at me, okay?”
“Sure. It is no hindrance that cannie be overcome. Whatever happens before the marriage is of lesser weight than after. I hope ye have costly offerings, though?”
“Huh?” asked Noah. “Offerings?”
“Ye truly know naught of elfin marriage?” asked Simplicity. Noah shook his head no. Simplicity sighed. “Very well. “
“Here is how it works. Ye shall enter Hoomtree. Ye would not normally be allowed, but if ye intend to wed an elf and yer of human birth, ye’ll be permitted. Love is holy and will not be stopped. Enter and find this woman. Subdue her. Tie her up and force her by any means to the nearest church. It is not illegal, and nobody will stop ye. At the church, ye’ll wait for her kin. Then ye’ll take advantage of her in front of her kin. In what way, I cannot say, but ye’ll know it at the time.”
“What, I just rape her? No way.”
“I know not what that means,” said Simplicity. “But if I did, I would say, of course not.”
“Ugh, whatever. Go on.”
Simplicity continued. “Then, ye shall present her with three gifts – one for her, one for her kin, and one for all elfkind. These be the offerings. Based on yer renown and yer offerings, her kin shall encourage or discourage the match. She shall heed their advice and decide to either chew a piece of bark that shall block the match, or burn the bark, thus accepting her union with ye. If so, there shall be feasts all night. Any questions?”
“Yeah, like a million,” said Noah.
“Well, ye don’t have a million. Ye have… one.”
“One? Come on!”
“One or none. Choose.”
Noah sighed. He pondered his last question. He asked, “Okay, for the offerings, what should I get for her family?”
Simplicity smiled. “I shall tell ye about all three gifts, since I am feeling generous. For the gift to her, it should be something that augments her beauty. A gown, a hair clip, something like that. A trinket. For her kin, it should be something magical. An artifact. The better, the more they will encourage the match, of course. And for elfkind, it is typically a donation of gold to the church, but it may be anything.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Yea, now get out.”
Like New Gnom City, Hoomtree was a gated city, and crossing through the gates was an abrupt transition from wilderness to dense urban living. Noah gawked at the paradisiacal capital as he walked through its streets. Every road and every building was a unique work of art that fit cohesively into the whole. The roads were natural dirt paths, and the buildings were wooden, but were expansive and modern, with lush terraces and large windows. Elves strolled along elevated pathways stretched between buildings in a parody of the chaotic raised passages in the top layer of the Toldenhold. While that city was black and grungy, Hoomtree was clean, orderly, and natural. Fountains and streams abounded.
The elves themselves were dressed practically, wearing simple clothing suiting their professions. Robes and togas were common. They were all dark-skinned, with long, pointy ears. What stood out to Noah most was that none of them would make eye contact with him, yet he felt like he was being stared at everywhere he walked. They were all silent, too. Was that because of his presence, or were they always so quiet?
He needed to find out where Chastity lived. He had asked the guard outside the gate, who told him how to get to the city hall, where Chastity’s address would be listed. Usually, such records would be private, but with Noah’s intent to marry, many doors normally locked seemed to pop open for him. He wondered how severe a crime it must be among elves to lie about intent to marry just to get access to things.
According to the instructions, Noah was supposed to see a massive fountain of a dragon spitting water into another dragon’s mouth. From there, he would take the left path to the city hall. But he didn’t see such a fountain. Some elves sat silently along the edge of a small fountain, but it didn’t depict anything. It was just a fountain.
Noah wandered, confused, while elven stares dug into the back of his head. He was an outsider here, and he really felt it. He was the only non-elf in the city. He walked past a number of shops and was surprised to see a pet store. Inside, he could see grasshounds, dogs made from wood, and other cute animals bounding around. Some of the elves – Chastity included – had pets, and this was where they got them.
Giving up on finding the fountain himself, he approached an elven couple sitting outside a cafe, silently enjoying tea – or whatever they had in their teacups.
“Hey, umm, excuse me.” Four elven eyes glared at him. There was no warmth to their expressions at all. He felt cold. “Uhh, could you please tell me how to get to the city hall?”
They stared at him for a while, and the elf man, without looking away from Noah, pointed his hand in a direction. “Thanks,” Noah coughed, and headed in the direction the elf had pointed. He wondered why the couple had been so hostile. Did he do something wrong?
Finally, he found the fountain. He had imagined it being made of stone, but the elves didn’t use stone. Instead, it was carved from wood, and expertly so. The dragons were lifelike. Very much like the actual dragons he had seen earlier, except for the colour.
He followed the path toward the city hall and found it. Even in this beautiful city, the solitary government building was cold and soulless, lacking the curves and artistry of the other buildings. He spoke to the secretary within.
“So, I’d like to find her address. Is that okay?”
The older female elf smiled at Noah. “Of course. Ye intend to wed the young maiden, yea? Even though ye not be an elf? Or are ye some kind of elf? An elf from the Southern Isles, perhaps?”
Noah shook his head. “No, I’m not an elf. But I do want to marry her.”
“Very well, I’ll fetch the records for ye. One moment, if ye will.” The elf scooched her chair backward and bowed to Noah, which he reciprocated, and walked back into the bowels of the government building. Soon, she emerged, holding a stack of papers.
“This is she,” she said, setting the paper on the desk and pointing to a name in a list. Chastity – Diplomat; Spire B, Floor 11, Room B11C.* “If ye go East from here, ye’ll see the church. But a block beyond that is her spire. She’s on the eleventh floor. Were I ye, I’d take her when she departed. I’d not wish to bear a wench down eleven flights of stairs, myself. Zounds, I am so joyous for you twain! O, to be rapt away again. It was the high point of mine life!” The woman spoke with such enthusiasm and warmth that Noah couldn’t help but smile back. She was nothing like the cold, unfriendly couple he tried to speak to earlier. He thanked her and then made for Chastity’s spire.
The city’s living quarters were all in the spires, which were tall, skinny, pyramidal buildings made of wood, stretching some 30 or 40 floors at the highest. Chastity’s building was easy to find, since it was the only spire on this block. Just past the church. Convenient, since he’d be taking her there. It was also one of the largest spires in the city. She was only on the eleventh floor, but he’d still prefer to wait for her outside rather than climb up to her apartment.
There were comfortable benches outside the spire near the door, and Noah took a seat, watching the elves come and go. It was incredible how skillfully they managed to stare at him without ever looking directly at him. He thought he’d have to wait hours for her to come out of the spire in tension, wondering how she’d react to his presence, but as it turns out, she was already out and on her way home. Noah spotted her and leapt from the bench, dashing toward her.
“Chastity!”
She looked surprised, and suddenly embarrassed. She was as beautiful as Noah remembered, and his heart fluttered. She was dressed in a modest brown robe. She didn’t need her hiking gear in the city, of course. She took him by the sleeve and led him inside the building. Only once they were inside the door would she speak to him. “So yer the stranger?” she asked him. She wasn’t smiling, but she wasn’t hostile either. A good sign. Maybe she didn’t hate him.
“Yeah. You heard about me?”
“Certainly. News travels like wind in the city of wood. Why have ye come here?” she asked.
“Umm,” Noah paused. He looked at her and smiled, embarrassed. “I want to marry you.”
“What?” she asked, looking surprised. She then turned at once and sprinted through the lobby, away from Noah.
“Hey!” said Noah, chasing after her. He would have to catch her if he wanted to marry her. “Come back here!”